SafeBrew™ Certified

Style: mellow Afro-soul groove, laid-back funky guitar, warm horns, soft hand percussion, unhurried pocket; deadpan spoken-sung verses with space between lines; big warm gospel chorus on the hook only; dry, understated, 96 BPM.

[Intro — spoken, flat, serious]

SafeBrew field report. Subject requested a self-assessment. They scored themselves a five. ...It was a two. We begin.

[Verse 1 — half-sung, deadpan, lots of space]

Thirteen service elements We checked them all The milk fridge failed A critical criterion, that's a major call Group head not compliant The grinder, off-spec Came in at a one But we don't fail you — we write you a plan

[Chorus — big warm gospel]

SafeBrew — certified Clean machine, full-fat, properly applied A quality improvement plan, one task at a time Good coffee for the world... and a level-five sign

[Verse 2 — deadpan, climbing]

Came back in a month The QIP was done Microfoam holds The score moved up, eighty-two to ninety-one Certification committee Meets every week They reviewed the cup Approved the certificate — go on, take a peek

[Chorus — big warm gospel]

SafeBrew — certified Clean machine, full-fat, properly applied A quality improvement plan, one task at a time Good coffee for the world... and a level-five sign

[Bridge — very dry, almost talking]

We don't skip the small kiosk We don't skip the cart Everybody gets assessed Every café, every part

[Final Chorus]

SafeBrew — certified No bad little espresso left behind We assess it, we score it, we improve it, then it shines Good coffee for the world... and a level-five sign

[Outro — spoken, flat]

Certificate issued. Level five. ...Next café gave itself a four. We swabbed the wand. The work is never done.